So tap at my window

And Mother i blame you,

With every inch of the being you gave,

For i have become you,

And i know every part of your game,

And Father i love you,

But how could you watch as i pushed her away,

I cannot forgive you,

For bringing me up this way.

No regrets?

You want to set foot on the plane with no regrets?

What actually gets me about this whole messed up situation is that you don't see that i'm upset because you made the effort to see her before you go, but you didn't want to see me, you can barely pick up the phone to me anymore, but you found time in your busy schedule to contact her.

Here's to 8 years tomorrow.

My Daddy

If I could write a story

It would be the greatest ever told

Of a kind and loving father

Who had a heart of gold

I could write a million pages

But still be unable to say, just how

Much I love and miss him

Every single day

I will remember all he taught me

I'm hurt but won't be sad

‘coz he'll send me down the answers

And he'll always be my Dad

the truth

I hate the way you're always right, 

I hate it when you lie. 

I hate it when you make me laugh, 

Even worse when you make me cry 

I hate it when you're not around, 

And the fact that you didn't call 

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, 

Not even close… Not even a little bit… Not even at all.

They are not dead,

Who leave us this great heritage of remembering joy.

They still live in our hearts,

In the happiness we knew, in the dreams we shared.

They still breathe,

In the lingering fragrance,windblown, from their favourite flowers.

They still smile in the moonlight’s silver,

And laugh in the sunlight’s sparking gold.

They still speak in the echoes of the words we’ve heard them say again and again.

They still move,

In the rhythm of waving grasses, in the dance of the tossing branches.

They are not dead;

Their memory is warm in our hearts, comfort in our sorrow.

They are not apart from us, but part of us,

For love is eternal,

And those we love shall be with us throughout all eternity.

R.I.P Shirley, thank you for everything you have done for me. i will miss you always.

21.3.10

< 3

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, i often speak your name.

All i have are memories and pictures in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake, with which ill never part.

Heaven has you in its keeping, i have you in my heart

Miss you Daddy x

...

Maybe i should give up giving,
give up trying to be thin,
give up and turn into my mother,
God knows i love her.

And again i used arrogance as something to depend
Condemned all religion to a pitiless end
And a politician’s resonance rang through my mind
Patriotic in one sense, the other just blind

And oh so many die
Torn apart at the hands of a child
I’ll keep on going, I’ve got nothing to lose
I gave up morals when I took up you
And it’s boring to hear of another young truth
And What a typically shit thing to do

And I was so shallow to the one man that stuck around
Sunk so low that I nearly drowned
And I screamed of his heart when he wasn’t around
Consoled him recklessly, I knew you were down

Troubles

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.

Some come from ahead and some come from behind.

But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.

Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

Wee bit of advice...

Try your hardest,
Just be yourself,

Life's too short to be anyone else.

12th January - 6 years later

When i must leave you for a while,
Please do not grieve and shed wild tears,
And hug your sorrow to you through the years,

But start out bravely with a gallant smile
And for my sake and in my name
Live on and do all things the same,

Feed not your loneliness on empty days
But fill each waking hour in useful ways,
Reach out your hand in comfort and in cheer,

And I in turn will comfort you
And hold you near
And never, never be afraid to die
For I am waiting for you in the sky.

Forever and Always

Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye
And we caught onto something
I hold onto the night, you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me

Were you just kidding?
'cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened, please tell me?

'cause one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Was I out of line?
Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide
Like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes
Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure

So here's everything coming down to nothing
Here's to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute, but I don't anymore

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it baby, I don't think so

Back up, baby, back up
Did you forget everything
Back up, baby, back up
Did you forget everything

'cause it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'cause I was there when you said forever and always

Oh, I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when we said forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it baby, you said forever and always I don't think so

You cant blame me for this

This was not completely my fault.

I could to with how shit you make me feel sometimes.